February 2012
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Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Woman: Well, why can't I have birth control?
Government: Because. Sex isn't for recreation.
Woman: It can help regulate my period and benefit me in other ways.
Government: Too bad.
Man: For no reason other than for recreational sex, may I have birth control?
Government: Do you have a penis?
Man: YES, YES I DO!!
Government: WELL HOWDY, VALID CITIZEN. You can buy condoms by the dozens. Here, here's a pack of special condom for "His Pleasure." Oooh, these come in different colours and flavours. Here, try these. They have ribs on them. And this one glows in the dark!! LOL OMG DICK LIGHTSABER!!
Government: But seriously, you're a man. You can do what ever you want.
Woman: But-
Government: Shut up, you sinning, freeloading hussy.
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“Brilliant! You know what, Lyndsey? Stranger things have happened. That is a...”
– Simon Cowell when the interviewer suggested that Jedward should host the next season of the US X Factor (via tree-of-temptati0n)
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Interviewer: If you could relive one day, which day would it be and why?
Edward: I'd relive the day I was born and just like kinda do it a different way.
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“He [Rick Santorum] is a staunch opponent of abortion, even in the case of rape....”
– John Oliver on Rick Santorum, The Bugle 183 (via sixpencesoulcake)
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